A Modest proposal

From Don Lewis at http://humorium.blogspot.com/

If you can't find something funny in here, you might be a liberal!

Obviously it's time for me, as the Candidate of Last Resort and as a noted financial and economic expert, to speak to you, the Nation, about this whole credit and bank thingy.

Everyone is pointing fingers, trying desperately to pass the buck. The Democrats say it's Bushs' fault. The Republicans are blaming it on the Democrats. McCain seems to suspect the North Vietnamese and Obama is looking suspiciously at bitter clingers like Palin.

And everyone hates Wall Street: even Wall Street.But ask yourself this question. What one group, what one special interest has managed so far to escape the scrutiny that could reveal all?

Of Course, I'm referring to "The Poor".

I know what you're thinking. "Don" you say, "You've got to get back on your meds. The Poor just don't have the political and economic clout necessary to cause the melt down of the greatest fun-house mirror economy of all times!"

That my fellow Americans is just what they want you to think.

Oh sure the poor look wretched. Yes they have the fashion sense of weevils and they smell bad. Good Lord! It makes me nauseous even having to use the toe of my boot to kick them to the gutter as I pass them on the street!

So how can I make the case that the poor are ultimately responsible for forcing the rest of us to have to endure hours of pudgy sweating bureaucrats steaming up our flat screens? Let's look at the facts.

When the Government of the United States decided that affordable housing was a universal right, like digital TV and medicinal heroin, it was never their intention to extend that concept to the poor. That would be crazy! I mean, they'd be living right next door!

Inter-economical dating would surely follow.

No. It's one thing to help a down-on-his-luck lemur get no-down financing on a split level ranch in the Simi Valley.

After all, steady employment at the pharmaceutical labs is a given for our simian companions.

But the Poor opportunistically jumped in, taking unfair advantage of a loop-hole by claiming a broad genetic hominid relationship.

So. What can be done about this? As your President, I will use my emergency powers to set the might of US Industry to solving this thorny problem. I will authorize the destruction of whole national forests to make the pulp necessary for the creation of millions of refrigerator boxes. I will increase the Strategic Muscatel Reserve by millions of barrels. Then, using tactics developed during the settling of our great nation, I will post advertisements on national television during shows like "My name is Earl" to inform the Poor that the Government has made a "Reservation" for them at a vacation retreat near Senator Reed's place in Nevada. Thus returning the natural balance. The resulting empty houses will be fumigated and re-sold to humans.

Thank you America. And good night.


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Good morning

ACORN files Voting Rights Suit...

...on Behalf of Imaginary Americans.


ST. LOUIS - Attorneys for the voting registration organizations ACORN and Project Vote filed an anti-discrimination voting rights suit in the U.S. Federal District court this morning, alleging the United States government is involved in "a widespread, systematic effort to disenfranchise Imaginary-Americans and deprive them of access to polls."


"Participation in our electoral process is a fundamental right, and the foundation of our democracy," said ASDF ASDFG, a spokesperson for the National Association for the Advancement of Imaginary People, one of the groups named as plaintiffs in the class action. "We will not be silent when government denies people access to the polls on the basis of color, or sex, or existential status."


The new suit was prompted by on a series of law enforcement raids of ACORN offices in 10 states over the past week, as well as a reported Justice Department investigation. Federal and state officials say they were acting on tips of fraudulent voter registration forms, after election officials reported a flood of unusual applications submitted by ACORN canvassers. In Las Vegas the Clarke County election commission reported thousands of registrations signed by the Dallas Cowboys, while in St. Louis officials discovered thousands of others signed by Power Rangers, Menudo, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. In Cleveland, Ohio Republican officials complained to the Federal Election Commission after early-voting sites barred observers when thousands of Invisible-Ohioans arrived at the polls aboard hundreds of invisible ACORN buses. In Ida Grove, Iowa, Ida County Registrar Debby Ballard expressed concern when a convoy of Chicago ACORN semis submitted 4,000,000 provisional ballots, 17 seconds before a 5 pm deadline.


"I'm proud that Ida County can boast of a 114,312% voter registration rate, but I'm not sure if I can get all of them processed by Monday," said Ballard. "I've got a pilates class in Sioux City."
After the raids, ACORN officials initially blamed the problems on rogue volunteers.


"We are in the midst of our most successful signup ever, registering over 7 trillion new voters in the last week alone," said ACORN spokesman Charles Jackson. "It's impossible to have 100% quality control, and a few misspellings might have fallen through the cracks."


On Tuesday, ACORN said it would dismiss any workers suspected of fraud, and would outsource 40% of voter registration jobs to Banglore Registration Industries.


"The quality control is better in India, and we can save over $35 per metric ton," noted Jackson.
After consultation with attorneys, however, ACORN -- which has received $800,000 from the Obama campaign for registration efforts -- filed a suit claiming the increased legal scrutiny was driven by a political agenda. Amicus briefs were added from several Imaginary Rights groups, adding civil rights violations to the list of complaints.


"Whether we are obituary notices, hallucinatory giant rabbits, or strings of random keyboard strokes, it's time for the chimera community to stand up and claim our rights as citizens," said ASDFG. "We will no longer be silent and invisible. Okay, maybe invisible."


In addition to $3.2 jubajillion in damages and free federal mortgages for homeless spectres, the suit also seeks enforcement of the Americans with Dimensional Disabilities Act. The Act requires voting places to make accommodations for existentially-challenged voters who have trouble completing ballots written in standard 3-dimensional reality. The accommodations include multiple site registration, time travel, and allowances for alcoholics to cast ballots for dependent D.T. phantasms.


"Many of our community inhabit the Tapioca subluster of the 11th Dimension, and it's hard for them to find a convenient spacehole to make it to the local elementary school," explained ASDFG.


A ruling in the suit is expected later this week from St. Louis federal appelate judge Fwinklezorg the Hydragoat.



This was ripped word for word from iowahawk

serious warning

This was received from a reliable friend. It may be time to be very, very frightened!

A foreboding wind seems to be swooping in on us.

Warning from Pakistan

This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America's supply of convenience store managers and, possibly, candidates for President of the United States. And, if this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell and AOL customer service reps, and then Motel 6 managers.

It's going to get ugly


Thanks, James. I am posting this so that readers of Bubbasbog will be aware of this dire situation.

Kermit

Why I vote...

...the way that I do???

Poliwogs - The reason that the Frog will vote for John McCain!!!

Here are Mr. & Mrs. Tadpole on vacation. They are with Poliwog #1 and Poliwog #2. They can be seen below without the Poliwogs. But hey, sometimes you have to put second things first!

Mr. & Mrs. Tadpole on vacation

I do not like John McCain...

BUT...

I intend to vote for him for the following reason.

The President of the United States will be fully briefed on anything about which he has to make a major or minor decision concerning policy. I do not and cannot know what decisions will have to be made. I can only trust that the person making the decisions will check his moral compass for direction before making decisions.

I do not like or always agree with John McCain. I am, however, willing to trust his moral compass much more than I am willing to trust Barack Obama's moral compass.

I am inclined to believe that a persons life is defined by what he or she has done and where he or she has been and what he or she did while they were there. Your life is defined by the decisions you made and the people with whom you surrounded yourself. Quite frankly, I do not trust Obama's moral compass any farther than I can throw a 1963 Ford 3/4 to pick up truck.

Your pal,

Kermit

From here in the swamp... the very heart of Constitutional Populism