A Modest proposal

From Don Lewis at http://humorium.blogspot.com/

If you can't find something funny in here, you might be a liberal!

Obviously it's time for me, as the Candidate of Last Resort and as a noted financial and economic expert, to speak to you, the Nation, about this whole credit and bank thingy.

Everyone is pointing fingers, trying desperately to pass the buck. The Democrats say it's Bushs' fault. The Republicans are blaming it on the Democrats. McCain seems to suspect the North Vietnamese and Obama is looking suspiciously at bitter clingers like Palin.

And everyone hates Wall Street: even Wall Street.But ask yourself this question. What one group, what one special interest has managed so far to escape the scrutiny that could reveal all?

Of Course, I'm referring to "The Poor".

I know what you're thinking. "Don" you say, "You've got to get back on your meds. The Poor just don't have the political and economic clout necessary to cause the melt down of the greatest fun-house mirror economy of all times!"

That my fellow Americans is just what they want you to think.

Oh sure the poor look wretched. Yes they have the fashion sense of weevils and they smell bad. Good Lord! It makes me nauseous even having to use the toe of my boot to kick them to the gutter as I pass them on the street!

So how can I make the case that the poor are ultimately responsible for forcing the rest of us to have to endure hours of pudgy sweating bureaucrats steaming up our flat screens? Let's look at the facts.

When the Government of the United States decided that affordable housing was a universal right, like digital TV and medicinal heroin, it was never their intention to extend that concept to the poor. That would be crazy! I mean, they'd be living right next door!

Inter-economical dating would surely follow.

No. It's one thing to help a down-on-his-luck lemur get no-down financing on a split level ranch in the Simi Valley.

After all, steady employment at the pharmaceutical labs is a given for our simian companions.

But the Poor opportunistically jumped in, taking unfair advantage of a loop-hole by claiming a broad genetic hominid relationship.

So. What can be done about this? As your President, I will use my emergency powers to set the might of US Industry to solving this thorny problem. I will authorize the destruction of whole national forests to make the pulp necessary for the creation of millions of refrigerator boxes. I will increase the Strategic Muscatel Reserve by millions of barrels. Then, using tactics developed during the settling of our great nation, I will post advertisements on national television during shows like "My name is Earl" to inform the Poor that the Government has made a "Reservation" for them at a vacation retreat near Senator Reed's place in Nevada. Thus returning the natural balance. The resulting empty houses will be fumigated and re-sold to humans.

Thank you America. And good night.


Trackback URL for this entry:http://haloscan.com/tb/donlewis/9142822640919236330