Day By Day© by Chris Muir.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

POGO - the bog's favorite 'possum! Posted by Hello

Even in a bog...

... We have our favorites.

S0 this is about favorites. Kermit's favorite president was 'Old Hickory', Andrew Jackson. Kermit's favorite political observer is Ann Coulter. Last week the favorite observer mentioned the favorite president in her column...

Starved for Justice

It would be chaotic if public officials made a habit of disregarding court rulings simply because they disagreed with them. But a practice borne of practicality has led the courts to greater and greater flights of arrogance. Sublimely confident that no one will ever call their bluff, courts are now regularly discovering secret legal provisions requiring abortion and gay marriage and prohibiting public prayer and Ten Commandments displays.

Just once, we need an elected official to stand up to a clearly incorrect ruling by a court. Any incorrect ruling will do, but my vote is for a state court that has ordered a disabled woman to be starved to death at the request of her adulterous husband…

…President Andrew Jackson is supposed to have said of a Supreme Court ruling he opposed: "Well, John Marshall has made his decision, now let him enforce it." The court's ruling was ignored. And yet, somehow, the republic survived.

If Gov. Jeb Bush doesn't say something similar to the Florida courts that have ordered Terri Schiavo to die, he'll be the second Republican governor disgraced by the illiterate ramblings of a state judiciary. Gov. Mitt Romney will never recover from his acquiescence to the Massachusetts Supreme Court's miraculous discovery of a right to gay marriage. Neither will Gov. Bush if he doesn't stop the torture and murder of Terri Schiavo.

It would be in poor taste for Kermit to take a public stand on anything. That would brand him as 'non-politically-correct' and further might cause a cognitive dissonance (vague uneasiness) to an unknown person who stumbled into the bog. On top of which it could be construed as totally unAmerican if the visitor were a Democrat. And heaven forbid (whoops- religion crept in) the great blue void overhead forbid, that the visitor might be of foreign persuasion, let alone French.

Actually, Kermit is ill-at-ease with the French. Sometimes it could be so strong as to be described as a cognitive dissonance. I mean, well... people like that give frogs a bad name.

Wishy washee in the swamp - your pal

Monday, March 21, 2005

Bogs are (of necessity)...

... LOW TECH places. But to get along outside the bog, compromises with reality are necessary. The big compromise is Kermit's roadster. It is a black 1985 (?) Chevy Monte Carlo. It has a V6 engine and is reasonably fuel efficient for it's 'every-so-many hundred thousand mile age'. It is also at that stage in it's life where weird things happen.

On the way home from Wally World last Friday, the turn signals came on but did not flash. "This is no problem!", said Kermit, being the chief engineer for the bog. "I will simply get a new flasher and then drag out my trusty repair manual for the installation." Problem #1 is that where the new flasher goes is not connected by electrical wire to the rest of the car. And the new flasher didn't seem to fit that socket anyway. No problem!!! Check the trusty manual. This is where I learned just how much trouble I was in.

"The flasher module is mounted in the fuse block," is written in the manual. Please note that this statement is not followed by a period. The statement is followed by a comma and continues as follows... "block, or in the wiring harness." Please note that the sentence actually ends (period) after the words "wiring harness".

Both Kermit and the Silly Goose nearly blacked out Saturday from working head and shoulders under the dashboard and feet and butt up the seat back. We found the flashers (2 of the little buggers - not one) and finally managed to get them out. The guys at the various parts stores just said, "Hey man, I've never seen any flashers like that." However, when I find the flashers, I'm ready. I've got the instrument panel and a big chunk of dashboard sitting in the passenger seat. But I / we still have to get upside down in the seat to work up where the flashers will be installed when I find them.

So today, I'm driving around in the rain with the window down so I can make turn signals the old-fashioned way with my arm out the window. After the rain quit, on the way back to the bog from work, I got pulled over about the turn signals. The officer listened to my problems and then said something about keeping up the good work with the manual turn signals and that he "used to have a Monte Carlo". What bothers me is that I heard him laughing as he got back into his patrol car.

It's just that sort of thing that makes me want to stay in the bog!

Your technologically challenged buddy,


This was sent...

... to me by the Tadpole. I don't know where it came from but it is hugely funny. Abbott and Costello are surpassed only by Walt ("we have met the enemy and he is us) Kelly for swamp humor...

Comedians of the 1930's-1950's Bud Abbott and LouCostello did a comedy sketch about baseball called "Who's on First?" It might have turned out something like this in our day of cell phones and computers:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store. May I help you?COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou. ABBOTT: What about Windows?COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look inthe windows?

ABBOTT: A desktop and wallpaper.COSTELLO: I already have a desk with a large top, so never mind the windows with the computer. I just need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?COSTELLO: No. For the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business.What have you got?

ABBOTT: Office.COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office.COSTELLO: The only word in office is "office".

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? I told you I don't want windows installed in my computer.

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".COSTELLO: I'm going to click your "blue 'W'" if you don't start with some straight answers! OK, forget that. CanI watch movies on the Internet on this computer?

ABBOTT: Yes, you'll want Real One.COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT: Real One.COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?

ABBOTT: Of course.COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: Real One.COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue "1".COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue "W"?

ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" isWord.COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word inthe world.COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many otherWords left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.COSTELLO: And that word is "real one"?

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?



ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store. May I help you?COSTELLO: Your people set up this computer in my den and turned it on, but how do I turn it off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START"..........

May your own bog be filled with laughter,


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